IM IN LABOR, PEOPLE!!! men are so egomaniacal in general. My daughters dad (who fortunately I had the good sense never to marry) kept his distance from me the last month or so of my pregnancy, which probably is what kept me from delivering in prison, but he wanted to be at the hospital for the birth. I wish men weren't so stupid about some things. On the way there, he takes a random left turn and lets me know he needs to stop at the ATM because he has no money. I asked him to rub my aching back and he refused. You have a choice as an adult to enable and accept his behavior, your innocent baby does not. Thanks for the laughs though! (Nurses are usually fabulous but it is always nice to have your own personal support person). He ran away because he said he had business at work he had to attend to. Look up the options available to you, enlisting help if you need backup, and have a hopeful, serious plan ready so there's no excuse for him to say no. I was panting when he turned and yelled at me why cant you get to four. The midwife explained it at the hospital as the baby was born less then 30 minutes later. 5. I dont find I get the opportunity to maintain the rage nearly as much as I once did. So say he is out for a work meeting until 6, and he had 2 glasses of wine. Mortifying. I explained that his drinking like this gives me anxiety and I want our little baby brought into a happy, stress free world. Why do you women, not tell your foolish husbands long before you give birth, what you will not tolerate from him during your birth. During pregnancy, the cervix stays closed and plugged up with mucus (aptly called the "mucus plug"). He says to her Oh, the hospital said theyd call me as soon as anything happened As he was saying the words he knew hed made a mistake. Hours in labor: Never went into labor! Im late to the party but here is a story for you Many people who struggle with alcoholism are reluctant to accept treatment on their own. Take their thoughts and opinions into consideration before you make any decisions. We went anyway, and I was 5 cm dilated with double back labor. I was in labour for almost 24 hours with my first, and my hubbys mom brought him in a HUGE meal because she was worried hed be hungry while I enjoyed a meal of ice chips. Dear all, I'm 18 weeks pregnant and since becoming pregnant my husband has got incoherently drunk 3 times (unable to talk etc). Okay I did not go through labor we adopted our son but the night they called to say the birthmom was in labor I was at church while my husband was at home. Telling my sister that if we needed her, to call the house where he would be at and someone would give him a message, since he didnt think the baby would be born for quite a while. Its not a movie wherein things change quickly. After our daughter was born he If it's 5 hard drinks every night I would say that's a bit excessive to unwind. Apparently i was keeeping him awake. If we go anywhere and he has more than 2 drinks I drive home. I think I'm always stopping to prepare for the recipients reaction. If it were me, I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if he wants to be there that he has to be 100% sober. The doc said that was waaaaay too much and really unhealthy. One 2013 study, found that even . I mean he would have just stayed home and played video games, if I had given him the impression that Ill be okay on my own. Nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, and an overall feeling of being unwell. 1 Answer. This will help you keep them out of trouble and save you from embarrassing situations. Of course, I ended up delivering at 230 AM and when I asked for something to eat, the doctor told me Id have to wait until the cafeteria opened. A simple rule for when to go to the hospital for labor is the 5-1-1 rule. You may come across situations where things go beyond your control, and you might end up in an embarrassing situation. Seriously?? My brother gets a Popeyes meal for my husband and tries to eat it in the hospital room with me. About a month ago I asked him not to drink until after LO was here because I know it can get to the point that he should not be driving. Having. My husband ripped a huge, disgusting fart while I was in labor and then got offended when I gave him the dirtiest look I possibly could. Hopefully our midwife keeps him in line. I wouldnt have had more babys with a guy who could care less that I was having the first.. How could you have any more kids with someone after that are u crazy. "She went into labour.": she started giving birth (generally means her waters broke or she otherwise started experiencing labour pains) we're focusing on the moment the labour started (moment in time, not duration) "She was in labour for 3 hours.": we're focusing on the length of the labour (duration, not moment in time) After our first they were sewing me up from some tearing. What Red Raspberry Leaf Tea can do: Strengthen and tone the uterus. I mean PISSED. Amen. -Katie. Well, setting up limits for them. Thanks. People with drinking problems do no slow their drinking down just "because" nor do they consider how their drinking will affect the other people in their lives. The men or the women that married men like the ones referenced in the comments? The ban has since been lifted: Following an outcry from expectant parents, medical professionals, and doulas, Governor Cuomo signed an executive order on March 28 requiring all New York hospitals to allow one person to accompany someone who is pregnant through labor and delivery. Now, I love Firefly, but I will forever associate Captain Malcolm Reynolds saying I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you with the start of the worst pain of my life. And the idea that being in labor will sober up a buzzed husband is absurd, it may make him seem sober but I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that he'd blow over the limit (or really close to it) on a breathalyzer test--that's a great way to get to L&D, in a police cruiser while your husband goes to the drunk tank. I don't know what kind of birth you're planning, but the Bradley books (Husband-Coached Childbirth and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, IIRC) are very insistent on how important it is that the husband be there to support, etc. In order to do you, you might push your husband to loneliness, which eventually will lead to far more serious issues than now. This was 1959, and husbands werent allowed in labor and delivery anyway. So when my mom showed up to help out, hes so busy talking to her that Im having to hit him in the arm every time a contraction came so he would rub my back the only thing I asked him to do (hard back labor). I could even understand maybe a beer or glass of wine a night (which I still think every night is pushing it) BUT 5+ a nightdo you think that is normal behavior? He was drinking coffee, eating breakfast and taking care of the dogs because they were going to be caged up all day. I spent the entire time in the hospital alone. said he was not paying for any unnecessary pain medication since he witnessed many cows giving birth and they just plop them out. One of the most commonly talked about signs of impending labor, many women begin cleaning and re-arranging baby items in the days or hours before labor begins. I was also in the middle of a contraction when he said that. She thought she had just peed her pants, but it kept happening everytime she stood upso off we went to the hospital, and she was definately in labor. Some women experience other symptoms of labor with a bloody show: Cramping: You may feel period-like cramps that come and go over the course of hours or even days. When I called him an hour later because I was 9 centimeters he said he was at Sams buying Tupperware. My partner and I have not fought at all during our relationship, nor has he given me cause to rage. -Tifffany, My husband took so many pictures of himself in the scrubs and mask (obviously super important to document) the camera battery was almost dead when we actually had the baby! I gave birth in a Cambodian hospital that, well lets say was set up with top notch 1950s style equipment. And often I wonder if this is healthy. He then moved to the toilet to puke some more before I yelled at him that hed better get the hell out of there because I needed it NOW. DH is not allowed to drink at all right now..my life and his unborn child are going to be in his hands when he drives me to the hospital. He will NEVER live that down. Not only is he really annoying when buzzed, which will piss me off and make my pain and anxiety higher, but he can't drive! (Hopefully it won't have to go there but if the nice and logical angle doens't work you may have to come on a little strong) IMO. Since I had to have a c-section he stayed in the hospital with me the 3 days sleeping on the couch and changed ALL the diapers. I don't feel bad because he should have enough respect for me not to drink for a month. I was a journalist for five years. There is no pattern. Unfortunately, the emerald fell out when I was in middle school so I bought a new one to replace it. Labor was a piece of cake until they broke my bag of waters. You notice a mucusy discharge or "bloody show". Obviously if I am in labor I will not be driving myself but I am sure once we get closer to my EDD then he will slow it down. The only way to stop this from happening is to let your husband know that, you wont tolerate any unacceptable behavior. Husband, I swear by my ugly faded hospital gown, I will end you. And that I hadnt eaten dinner and was starving. He doesn't drink that much EVERY night, but it happens, and I just KNOW with my luck, he will drink that much on the night I go into labor. He said hed save me a few slices for later. However, if you are determined to recover from it and stay sober, you can do it as long as you stay strong and focused. I think there should be another thread about crap husands pull after the baby is born. Jaime Clark didn't feel contractions with her first baby, either. My husband fell in a deep sleep and would not wake up to me calling him. "Had 'bloody show' for two weeks prior to my water breaking and even lost my mucus plug and NADA! I called my husband at work around 6 p.m. to let him know I was in labor with our first and he said hed be home to take me to the hospital as soon as he wrapped a few things up. When we finally got there and I was hooked up to all of the machines, he went downstairs and then returned with a whole pizza that he ate in front of me knowing that I couldnt eat because I was in active labor. my husband decided that my induction, right as the contractions were taking off and I was getting three in a row with no break of even 3 seconds, was the BEST time possible to show my aunt an episode of Firefly. Published: May. I wish you luckI would talk to him now about this habit! I will never know. He was much better with our sons birth though even cleaned up after me when I puked in the basin I still hold that first time against him though! Nesting. He tried to Mapquest the directions while driving down the highway and almost killed us. Mine said I was making a spectacle of myself while in an induced labor with back to back contractions. Because, he was a little bit tired. Now this of course makes us, the people theyve invited over for a BBQ, a little uncomfortable. These are all way worse than mine, but my husband insisted that my then 19 hours of labor was not *real* labor because my contractions were not evenly spaced apart like the book says and did not think it was necessary for me to go to the hospital when I could no longer stand the pain. When he got home, he dropped his phone in a stock pot that was soaking in the sink. At the hospital he asked over and over If he could leave to go get himself dinner. Carol, Id love to know what you did to him between baby 3 and baby 4! He THEN started snoring and for about 30 minutes I tried to ignore it, but was just getting increasingly more annoyed with each breath he took. my best and held out until about 6am. 5 drinks a night sounds like a problem bigger than just worrying about having a sober ride to the hospital. Once emergency responders had arrived and . One of the major issues that you, as the wife of an alcoholic husband, may face is awkward situations in public or family gatherings. Get real, people. I don't know how or when you've approached him about this, but I think if you haven't you need to make sure it is on the weekend when he's had time to relax. At 6am. However, this may all change come December when I'm giving birth to our first child. The only place open nearby is Popeyes. That first night, my husbands parents took him to eat a fancy steak dinner while I was stuck in the hospital eating cafeteria food and playing hostess to15 or so unannounced visitors who all showed up at the same time. While bringing the note over they saw his truck and had to go bang on our bedroom window to wake my stupid husband up. ! was my reply in the softest angry voice I could mutter. My guess is that most husbands sort of enjoy seeing their wives suffering a little bit, especially if it was the wife nagging to have the child. For this pregnant mother, her escape was playing bingo. After like 2 hours I called to have him tell me he didnt feel good so he was taking a nap, and that he was sure I could handle our daughter on my own. If the birth of his child is not enough to deter him from drinking for a few weeks, then he has a serious problem. LOL, you sound like my wifes ex. Third, I would look into more long term plans on how to unwind after a long day at work. However, he also started to diet right around the same time, so I think that helped. He went to smoke a cigarette before the midwife came to see me,and by the time he got back, I was already pushing. Remember, youre not to be blamed for their habit. posts, and comments anonymously, in any medium. I asked for all the ridiculous stuff your husbands pulled while you were in labor. My husband and I have had our problems with his drinking in the past. Unless yo ass is imoan. What does his choice of alchohol have to do with it? He told me later he was definitely buzzed but me waking him up was the most sobering thing ever. "When I [give] with just with my doula and midwife alone, I can allow myself to do whatever is needed to get the baby out," she says. 1. My husband and I were so excited that we jumped right into action. It doesn't matter if its wine instead of hard drinks, the point is the dependency. Seriously, OP, the issues surrounding labour should be amongst the least of your concerns here. Now I refuse to touch it so that I can pass it down to my own daughter. It might have been when he was relaying the story about how tired he was and how the day seemed to drag on forever. One day shell remember to leave the meat out for tea but until then she writes beautiful and amusing posts on her blog which you can find here:http://bernmorley.blogspot.com/, i'm horrible at arguing. It's too much. Needless to say, I snapped but couldnt yell at him in fear of waking up my sister (our babysitter) and our 2-year old. Look at some of the comments and then talk about stupid. He cracked jokes the entire time, including asking my medical team (all women in masks) what they were making in woodshop. Okay tell me when we need to go so I can shower first, he said. We were on our way to the hospital by 6:30am. You all left 237(!) Bud Grace And Frankie Weight Gain . We got to the hospital at 7:30 and I was already pushy. With my first child, my husband slept the entire time from time time i started having contractions to the time when i started to push. I feel so much resentment for his lack of physical and emotional support. I think if he is unwilling to decrease the drinking NOW he is going to be unwilling to read anything you give him. Here . Your scenario of DH's drinking hits so close to home for me. They would know that their behavior will only add trouble than solve any problem. And then I would unleash hell. It wasnt until I went into labor in the middle of the night that I realized he dropped the ball. Most of the responses ignore the real issues, blame it on men being stupid, or just excuse his behavior. Once labor begins, it can take between 10 to 24 hours (or more) to progress through the three stages of labor before your baby is born. All for a free parking spot!!! I am sure you are aware there are going to be a lot of long nights that you are not going to want your DH sleeping off his buzz. You would really benefit from an Al-Anon meeting or two. Its a natural tendency to try and take control of the alcoholic husband in order to make things right. Grab Now! Well, it was getting late, and his sister called to see how things were going, and he smiled affectionately at me and told her that the contractions werent too bad yet. If something bothers them, well then, in front of all and sundry, they will pretty much have it out. It's not good. Every nurse who came to check on me kept asking me if my husband was coming to be with me. Its a disorder or an, How to Deal With Someone Who Blames You for Everything, 15 Ways How to Have Self-Control in a Relationship. Living with an alcoholic husband requires a lot of patience, courage, and the support of people around. Your H has a serious drinking problem, you enable him, you are having a baby who will be left alone with this man, and all you are worried about is getting to the hospital? It's your body's way of protecting your baby . Be there to offer encouragement for labor and delivery. If that isnt bad enough, he dropped my right leg DURING labor, to show my doctor the outfit my daughter would be wearing home! If at all possible, secure a back-up. -Jennifer, We were out to a movie when my contractions started. After 38 hrs of labor, My hubby looked at me, with this serious look on his face, while Im pushing our daughters head out, and saidwell that was easy, can we do it again? (It meaning have another baby)i told him sure, but you can carry it this time!, After I had a surgery on my left breast, my husband asked what he would were to an event! -Parisa, When it was time to go to the hospital, my husband said he needed to shower and shave first. When it comes to how to live with an alcoholic husband, try not to make any major decisions without getting input from your spouse or partner first. By the way, he would never drive while drinking, he thought it would be completely fine to call an ambulance to take me to the hospital if he's drunk. I hope you haven't given up on this post. Your rights as a patient supecedes his right to violate your peace and privacy. They were 1 minute apart, which was not what the books and classes told us we should be at this early on. You should also make sure to spend quality time with each other and remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place. Many people told me that being induced would be really difficult, long, and painful. Then I asked him to wake our 3-year-old and get him ready for daycare. Its a disorder or an addiction that needs treatment than just taking the blame. I folded those clothes some more. I dont want to deal with your stink and neither do the doctors and nurses! I had a very, very fast labor (from nothing to a baby in my arms in 7 hours). We rarely, if ever, have an all-out shout out loud, call the cops, argument. Apparently I was being too loud for him. It was his decision. The tank was on empty so we stopped at the gas station. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I guess you were right. You think? I gave birth to our baby in our house on our bed till i was discovered by his fifteen year old niece. In the throes of that hell my husband turns to me and says, Im about to head out and meet up with the fellas. It was like something from a movie. . Good grief you have issues. (this part was planned, hospital rule, only 2 in the delivery room besides the mom- so her mom and I attended) I was mentally exhausted by the time the baby was born at 6:44 pm. With my first I called my then husband to tell him my water broke, he asked if I could drive myself to the hospital so he didnt have to leave work. However, we did talk about it; and he truthfully would have been so embarrassed to call and ask his mom (or my parents) to drive me to the hospital if need be, because he wouldn't feel comfortable driving. At 2am I finally was in some relief from my epidural and was hoping to MAYBE take a nap before go time. He was about 4 minutes from the hospital but after 20 minutes he stillhadnt shown up. Only when you will make them realize that it is a problem and it puts you in an awkward position afterward. You know, the stuff you still hold over his head. I had literally lost my mind and was threatening to unhook myself from everything and leave the hospital. If I were you, I would have a back up plan. She thought it might go away. Probably my biggest moment of suppressed anger started on the 2nd of December, 2006. But still no medal. At 9 am, contractions really kicked in and still no hubby. Exercise. After 19 hours of back labor and an emergency c-section, my ex went bowling with his parents. Soon enough he gets a call from his mother asking how the delivery is going. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Wondering how? Did you have a birth plan? Help her stay focused and relaxed. Finally, my Dad called the neighbors across the street to ask them to leave a note on the door of the house. Its real life, and you mustnt give up so easily. With this next one, were doing a home birth, so no monitors, but I still anticipate him being so busy talking that hes not really focused on me. Then, after I finally pushed my baby out (an hour and a half of pushing), he complained about being exhausted. So when I couldnt reach him for 40 min, I freaked out. -Lucy, About 30 minutes after our son was born (a full 24 hours of labor) my husband told me he was going to head home for a bit because he was exhausted. Its not that alot of us men are not trying. Imagine youre married to an alcoholic husband who drinks daily and beyond the limit, only to create a nuisance later. This is not an average, it is the maximum recommended amount for any given day. I had a hellish time trying to breastfeed my newborn son (turns out he had a tongue thrust issue and didnt latch on until he was 5 weeks old ) and in the middle of the hospital room, amidst lactation consultants and even a sucking specialist , my husband announces : Honey, let me show you, this is how you do it. As he was putting the needle in my back, my husband let out a loud snore and the dr laughed. The following is an exclusive excerpt of Goodbye, Sweet Girl: A Story of Domestic Violence and Survival, a new memoir by Kelly Sundberg (available June 5). Also, per Davidson, never, ever wear open-toed shoes to the hospital. Im shaking because of the epidural so I get no sleep, and hes snoring and well fed. A few hours post-surgery I started having a strong adverse reaction to the epidural which included profuse sweating, intense itching and hallucinations.