And as far as that man saying that he wants nothing to do with the woman or THE BABY shame on him. ele4phant door to door service. Boyfriend got another girl pregnant. : r/survivinginfidelity Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). The woman accepts the ejaculate what she does with it is now her business, and her business alone. Hold the phone. In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) He didnt come chasing after you. -Got her pregnant Her judgment is irrelevant, but it isnt immoral. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. No interest in fatherhood? Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. Really!? This woman might very well be lying. April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. FYI first time posting but long time reader. It sounds glib, and I mean, malarky? If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. The kid has no blame here. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). and now he must deal with those consequences. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. Hes an idiot either way. she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. . Is this a valid summary? Youre right, what your life has become isnt fair- to anyone involved. Dont push him to be with this woman. Abortion is incompatible with compelled child support. we are making DW history, here, people!!! Chuck Pelto You know as well as I do that the law is gender biased in effect in not in letter. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. Heartbroken People Share Ludicrous Ways They've Been Dumped Crazy likes crazy. Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. Im not advocating for it, just describing whats been proposed elsewhere. The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. Those double standards take up too much room. Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. I love the argument that the women receiving child support are just sipping margaritas all day while getting mani/pedis on this income. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? April 10, 2012, 6:34 pm. Oh thank you thank you thank you! The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. The pull out method? He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Just sayin. Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. Posted Over 1 Month. Steve Kellmeyer I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. He was there just as much as that woman was. =), lets_be_honest Someone else has assumed it. Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto However, I do find your mindset to be telling: And yet you still have sex with us The implication being that if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Have you noticed how people sometimes own up to having unprotected sex, but its always when they didnt get pregnant? If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. Thats true Yankee vernacular. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Or could CG be right, and this is all a hoax? Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. Men AND women have walked away from children. So tough shit. But that doesnt change the fact that these people are eating each other alive. Men AND women both have decided, well after-the-fact, that no babies is better than having babies. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A Now Im confused. He Won't Leave Her: 5 Harsh Truths 'The Other Woman' Must Face [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. I dont think hes scum based on this either. WTH is that?! On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? WTF are you reading? Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. female Wow. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. Its a double standard. The states dont advertise this. I think hes allowed to have an opinion about the woman after all, hes about to be handcuffed to her for the next 19 years or so. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Not your body, not your choice. A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. all the time i thought so until 1 faithful day, i got pregnant. Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. I know, right? Addie Pray Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. If he is 40 years old and still acting like a child chances are youre going to be stuck holding the bag. Respect her decision. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. iseeshiny reader, Junebug2589+, writes (22 November 2008): A In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. silver_dragon_girl At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. Thats nature, Tim. And yet men still keep having sex with us. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. feelingroovy he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. Or until we decide to start a family.. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. Though Ill grant you one concession: Not having this man in a childs life might be a blessing in disguise. The manner to which they have become accustomed is a reference to alimony, not child support. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. iseeshiny The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. him: I would prefer if you had an abortion. savannah Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. If women insist on compelling child support from the man, then dont whine if society insists that women support the child until birth. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? Its her body, there is a million reasons she might choose to have this child, even if she never so much as speaks to your prince again. April 9, 2012, 10:03 pm, God, are you REALLY this dense? This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. FireStar lets_be_honest Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. He wants nothing to do with his own child. So the man in there He should probably act responsibly too. Bossip Comment Policy April 10, 2012, 7:21 pm. Malarky. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. Chuck(le) You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. If you and a person you want to sleep with are not on the same page on what should happen in case of accidental pregnancy, dont have sex with them. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. How silly I have been. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. I don't know my place anymore because he doesn't want to tell her we're back together. Sorry. Id drop this guy in a heartbeat. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. BUT. Therefore, why are you depressed? PS. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. 50 percent of babies are unplanned, and that includes married couples using contraception. After dating him for about 3 months, she got pregnant with his baby. I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. Ill bite. Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. Youre wondering if he will marry her. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? Its the law. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences? I highly doubt thats what shes doing considering shes only known him for two minutes., SweetsAndBeats Thats reality. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. landygirl. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. Solved. Its only when a baby is involved is when men come to their senses and then have so much things to say like I didnt mean to hurt you, I barely knew her, or the famous line I was drunk. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. My Wife Had Fun With My Best Friend And Destroyed Our Son's Future There is no child at conception very good. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. MOA, ASAP. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Ill have mine draw up the paperwork for licensing fees. Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? the manchild gene!! I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. Cant thank you enough for your response! Neither is that birth control is not infallible. iseeshiny Itll be hard work, but I genuinely think it can be done. People in healthy relationships dont say that. My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. Not necessarily. Even when they both want the same thing. Im quite late to the discussion, but I took a lot of time reading over the comments, trying to make sense of the two sides of the argument at hand. Which is not true. Why are you so obsessed with sex? Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. The outlet revealed that Tristan's third child, a baby boy, is due on December 3 . Its a great idea, really, for someone who is unfit and probably on the verge of abuse or something else horrible. lets_be_honest "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. You do know that birth control isnt 100% effective, right? He apologized for not telling me sooner. So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? Does that change the situation as all? He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. He could've at least waited a week after coming back! April 10, 2012, 9:46 pm. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. I dont want to be too harsh on the LW because emotions are a messy messy thing and Im not at all eloquent when Im upset. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. The crazies on both sides just come crawling out of the woodwork. April 9, 2012, 11:54 am. They can either hope the woman opts to not keep the baby, or they pay. Its always just a hope. So this guy sleeps with the first gal that catches his attention, but he only has eyes for you? Both of those things cant be true, LW. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. And you dont sound much better. For whatever reason that may be. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. Come on! A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. My sister has 3 birth control babies. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. You bet. Otherwise were looking at an extremely improbable event which the woman in question was able to predict with uncanny accuracy. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father.